Evolution within….

Evolution within

Last night I was riding home on the motorbike after Taekwondo class and as often happens I took the time to get into my head and ponder.  Now its first important to understand the context here because I was not heading home from just another class.  For the first time in many years, I had taken part in a training class as a student and not taught as the senior instructor. 

 There is a need for context within context here and the compressed story is that due to years of bad knees (so bad that walking across the room was an act of will) combined with worldwide pandemics and the needs of a travelling work life, I had not actually trained for almost a decade. 

 So here, for reasons to be discussed in later articles, I find myself with new knees and new goals that require that I attune an enhanced focus to my practise that I have, for far too long, ignored.  The workout, the results of which will again be discussed at another time, went exactly as I anticipated and had a predictable physical and emotional outcome. 

 What I did not anticipate was the lingering effect on my life and on my future goals.

 Setting or accepting a challenge for me, especially a physical one, has always been met with the dogged determination to overcome a lack of physical fitness in whatever way required to bound over any obstacle.  I have always charged into training with full speed and power and worked through the pain to come out the other side having accomplished the goal. 

 Last night, for example, I realized that I need to relearn how to hop, jump, and run. While I’m still pretty strong for an old guy, I felt a lack of trust in my body unlike anything I had ever experienced before. This time, determination and grit won’t be enough.

 So now we come to the bike ride revelation that I feel will change my practise and influence how I approach my expectations of myself for years to come. 

 Quite simply it is to Be Kind. 

 To be kind to myself and by extension to those around me who will be patiently waiting for me to get back into fighting trim.  Where before I would work through pain, I need to accept that pain as a signal for adjustment and change to my workout. Once upon a time exhaustion was someone else’s response but not mine. I always accepted that being tired is a good thing (shows I worked hard) and being sore means, I pushed my muscles. 

 What I’m learning now is that I need to read my body more carefully.  The Owner’s Manual was written for a younger version of me.  I am rewriting the chapters that talk about how to care for this body.  One key factor of that care is giving myself the time and space to be quiet, take rest, relax a moment (or a morning) longer, walk when I would have run and to stop when my instinct has always been to keep moving forward too fast. 

 I characterize this as being kind to myself.  As a coach and instructor, I have given my students and athletes the room to make choices about how to remain safe and healthy.  I have not always given myself the same room. 

 Another term that can be used is forgiveness of self.  Past challenges have been accompanied with a sense of anger towards my “weakness” and impatience at the pace of improvement.  Being kind to myself is declaring that progress is a blessing and one that must be partnered with gratitude for having the ability, the luxury and the privilege of being able to set and achieve the goals that I feel are important. 

 So this new journey begins with new insights and new obstacles wrapped into an adventure that will shape many aspects of my practise.

Here we go…….